One specific group of married Americans has more sex and happier marriages than others: study - New York Post

TomAlright, this is today's one that got under my skin: One specific group of married Americans has more sex and happier marriages than others: study. Talk me through your reaction.

CarolBefore we get excited about "happier" marriages, let’s figure out who actually qualifies for this “specific group,” because I’m guessing they’re young, rich, and living together full-time. That sounds less like a secret to better intimacy and more like a snapshot of people who don’t have exhaustion or financial stress eating their nights away.

TomThat doesn't sit right with me, and I'm not letting it slide.

CarolWhat part of it sits wrong? You're reacting to the vagueness, but I'm reacting to the assumption that happiness is some fixed state rather than a lack of external pressure. Until they define the variables, calling it a "secret" is just marketing fluff dressed up as data.

TomMarketing fluff might be fair, but reducing marital satisfaction to just removing stress ignores how couples actually navigate conflict when things go sideways. The study highlights a behavioral difference, not just a circumstantial one, which suggests there’s an active skill set at play here that most marriages miss entirely.

CarolA "skill set" implies everyone can learn it, but if this group is defined by having the bandwidth to practice those skills, you are ignoring the elephant in the room. We cannot separate emotional availability from economic security without knowing exactly what resources were controlled for in the data.

TomYou’re making this sound like a math problem where income equals intimacy, but a couple with empty pockets can still be the ones laughing after a fight while the wealthy pair is too numb to care. I think you’re fixated on the money variable because it’s easier to blame than admitting that connection is a muscle, not a bank account.

CarolCalling connection a muscle is neat until you realize muscles tear when you’re working two jobs and raising kids alone. You’re framing it as a character flaw in low-income couples, but I see a resource gap that no amount of motivational talk fixes. Until the study proves otherwise, assuming poverty kills desire is just blaming the victim again.

TomBlaming the victim cuts both ways, Carol, because focusing solely on resources lets the rest off the hook for doing nothing with what they have. Plenty of stable, well-off marriages rot from boredom precisely because nobody ever bothered to check in on each other. This isn't about fixing poverty; it’s about recognizing that neglect is a choice regardless of the zip code.

CarolTelling a couple drowning in bills that their neglect is just a "choice" misses the actual mechanics of arousal, since chronic stress literally shuts down the body's capacity for pleasure before intention even comes into play. You’re ignoring the biology of burnout to make a moral argument about effort, which is why I need to know if the study accounted for cortisol levels or just assumed everyone has equal mental bandwidth.

TomThe cortisol point holds water, but it turns the whole thing into a biological lottery rather than a shared human struggle. We aren’t waiting for a lab report to decide whether checking in matters, because the body responds to safety long before it responds to stress. Let’s stop pretending this study settles anything and just agree that paying attention is the baseline everyone needs.

CarolAgreeing that paying attention is a baseline sounds reasonable, but it quietly skips over the fact that some people don’t have the energy left to pay attention at all. You want to call this a universal struggle, yet the data only measures a specific slice of married Americans, which means generalizing beyond them is speculation. The real takeaway isn’t that everyone should try harder; it’s that we shouldn’t treat privilege as personality.

TomYou’re treating privilege like a permanent state, but it’s usually just a temporary lack of crisis. If the study doesn’t isolate whether those high-satisfaction marriages survived a specific shock event like job loss or illness, then you’re measuring luck, not resilience. Stop confusing the absence of pain with the presence of health.