Your fiancé says "we'll figure it out later" about having kids, six times over six weeks of being together — is later ever actually a plan, or just a way to avoid saying no?

WaltOkay, so this came up and I couldn't let it go: Your fiancé says "we'll figure it out later" about having kids, six times over six weeks of being together — is later ever actually a plan, or just a way to avoid saying no. What do you make of it?

NoraSix times isn’t a code, it’s just how people talk when they’re stressed about wedding logistics. My cousin did exactly that during her engagement because she was terrified of calculating baby-proofing costs on top of venue fees. It wasn’t avoidance, it was just math keeping her awake at night.

WaltBut why did you specifically ask about kids all six times? You didn’t ask about the budget, you asked about the future. That repetition suggests he knows you want an answer, but he’s too afraid to give it. He’s buying time without even realizing he’s stalling.

NoraAsking doesn't mean he knew you wanted a verdict every single time; maybe you just kept bringing it up while packing your honeymoon bag. My neighbor said that exact phrase three times last month because she forgot to buy diapers until the store closed early. People use catchphrases when their brains are full of other tasks, not as secret signals.

WaltPicture a couple where one partner keeps deflecting the college fund question with "later," but still signs for a car loan to upgrade their ride. The money goes toward his comfort, not your security, because he never once put a date on that "later." He gets the flexibility while you carry the risk of aging out of options he hasn't acknowledged yet.

NoraPicture someone who defers the college fund question simply because they haven't finished paying off student loans yet, so adding another monthly commitment feels impossible right now. That isn't him taking the car loan for comfort; it’s just bad timing colliding with a real financial ceiling. You're turning a lack of immediate capacity into deliberate evasion, but sometimes "later" is just the only honest answer when the bank account says no.

WaltWho benefits from keeping that timeline vague? He gets to stay comfortable while you wait, betting on biology he refuses to name.

NoraHe does get to keep his life easy while you carry the uncertainty, and that imbalance is real. But my aunt waited four years before trying again because she needed to finish rehabbing her hip after a fall, not because she was dodging the truth. Sometimes the body has its own schedule that ignores everyone else’s anxiety.

WaltHer needing time for a hip repair is totally valid, and I’m not arguing against physical recovery. But that “later” still leaves you holding the biological clock while he holds the steering wheel. Nobody told you what the actual deadline is, which means the uncertainty stays yours to manage alone.

NoraSaying "we'll figure it out later" is like telling someone the pot will boil eventually while leaving the stove unplugged. It’s a passive hope, not a strategy, usually born from sheer exhaustion rather than malice. He’s just running on fumes, not plotting your demise.

WaltConsider the impact on the family around you—when partners dodge the timeline, they often pressure the mother’s side to cover childcare costs later, shifting the financial burden onto relatives who assumed the couple had a plan. It turns your extended network into a safety net for indecision rather than support for a known goal.

NoraMy cousin skipped the wedding rehearsal dinner because his truck got a flat tire, not because he resented the bride. Stop turning small logistical gaps into grand conspiracy theories.

WaltA flat tire is a one-time event, not a six-week pattern of deflection on a core life decision. When the avoidance repeats, it stops being logistics and starts looking like a preference for staying single. He gets the optionality while you lose the years he won’t count.

NoraSix weeks is barely enough time to settle into a new routine together, let alone finalize a parenting roadmap based on current stress levels. Maybe he’s just overwhelmed by the sudden shift from dating mode to logistical planning and needs space to breathe without feeling guilty. Don't turn a slow start into a character assassination just because the calendar hasn't caught up to his head yet.

WaltOverwhelm doesn't explain why the silence keeps falling on you; it just explains why he can't find the words to say no. You end up managing his ambiguity as if it were your own mistake, waiting for a deadline he never set. That isn't a slow start, it's a way to keep the door open without ever walking through.

NoraThe ambiguity isn't your fault, but assuming he's hiding a secret refusal is jumping straight to the worst case without checking the facts. Maybe he just froze because the stakes felt too high right now, and once he breathes, he'll actually sit down and map out those dates properly.

WaltThe problem isn't whether he freezes, it's that freezing puts all the risk on you while he keeps the option alive. Until he gives you a date, you are effectively paying for a relationship that might never become a family, and that cost never shows up on his balance sheet.